Saturday, August 5, 2023
Friday, February 15, 2019
Antibiotics Won't Cure This VD
Dear Stella-
I'm a single gal and Valentine's Day was so hard for me. Yesterday, my social media feeds were filled with posts of flowers, candies, love, and none of it was for me! I thought about buying myself some flowers and a card, but I shouldn't have to when everyone else gets presents and attention from their SOs. It's killing me! How can I survive this holiday in the future, if God forbid, I am single next year?
- Left Out in Louisiana
Dear LOL-
I am sorry you're dying because you've been reminded on one day that a number of your friends are in relationships. There are so many diseases to die from, being an envious, self-absorbed, sad-sack is definitely one of the worst.
Let me guess, if you are not a mother of a human baby, on Mother's Day, you post pictures of your "fur baby" and/or houseplant? I know for sure that on Father's Day you mention that you're filling the role of father to that kitty/pupper and/or dieffenbachia. Perhaps on Veteran's Day, you mention that you're a veteran against the war on mites on said-dieffenbachia? Please tell me you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, AND Kwanza. What days are Eid Al-Fitr and Eid Al-Adha again? You must know because apparently you celebrate EVERY flipping holiday on the calendar.
If you don't do the work, you don't get to celebrate the day. If you don't have a human baby that you have raised in some way, spending ridiculous amounts of tears, love, stress-hormones on, you don't get a card on Mother's Day or a new bbq set on Father's Day. If you didn't take an oath to defend the Constitution from all enemies, you don't get to go get the free breakfast at Denny's on Veteran's Day. If you're not doing the work in a relationship, listening to someone snore, picking up dirty socks on the floor, why should you get the perks on Valentine's Day? (Maybe you just want a man to kill a dog and beat you with its hide? Read a fun article from NPR about the origin of Valentine's Day here. *gag*)
I have a very important message that might help: Everything doesn't have to be about you. Maybe make it a mantra and paste it on your mirror: "The world doesn't revolve around me." (Put some hearts and rainbows on it to make it more cheerful.)
It is very confusing to me why people choose to use other's happiness to wallow in self-pity. Stop comparing. Stop looking at what you don't have. Stop making up stupid rules for yourself that you need to be involved with every "special day" on the calendar.
Maybe next year, if some lucky man hasn't made you his sun, moon and stars, you can get up on Valentine's Day, put on your comfy bra and panties (because no one will be looking at them), eat your breakfast you make for yourself, and go on about your day. If you want to do something extra special, you comment on your friend's posts, "You're so lucky! I'm so glad you found such a generous guy/gal!" and spread a bit of love that way. Then, on Friendship Day, August 4th, your friends will be happy to celebrate with you because you did the work.
-Stella
Something bothering you? Need a straight answer? Ask me anything!
I'm a single gal and Valentine's Day was so hard for me. Yesterday, my social media feeds were filled with posts of flowers, candies, love, and none of it was for me! I thought about buying myself some flowers and a card, but I shouldn't have to when everyone else gets presents and attention from their SOs. It's killing me! How can I survive this holiday in the future, if God forbid, I am single next year?
- Left Out in Louisiana
Dear LOL-
I am sorry you're dying because you've been reminded on one day that a number of your friends are in relationships. There are so many diseases to die from, being an envious, self-absorbed, sad-sack is definitely one of the worst.
Let me guess, if you are not a mother of a human baby, on Mother's Day, you post pictures of your "fur baby" and/or houseplant? I know for sure that on Father's Day you mention that you're filling the role of father to that kitty/pupper and/or dieffenbachia. Perhaps on Veteran's Day, you mention that you're a veteran against the war on mites on said-dieffenbachia? Please tell me you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, AND Kwanza. What days are Eid Al-Fitr and Eid Al-Adha again? You must know because apparently you celebrate EVERY flipping holiday on the calendar.
If you don't do the work, you don't get to celebrate the day. If you don't have a human baby that you have raised in some way, spending ridiculous amounts of tears, love, stress-hormones on, you don't get a card on Mother's Day or a new bbq set on Father's Day. If you didn't take an oath to defend the Constitution from all enemies, you don't get to go get the free breakfast at Denny's on Veteran's Day. If you're not doing the work in a relationship, listening to someone snore, picking up dirty socks on the floor, why should you get the perks on Valentine's Day? (Maybe you just want a man to kill a dog and beat you with its hide? Read a fun article from NPR about the origin of Valentine's Day here. *gag*)
I have a very important message that might help: Everything doesn't have to be about you. Maybe make it a mantra and paste it on your mirror: "The world doesn't revolve around me." (Put some hearts and rainbows on it to make it more cheerful.)
It is very confusing to me why people choose to use other's happiness to wallow in self-pity. Stop comparing. Stop looking at what you don't have. Stop making up stupid rules for yourself that you need to be involved with every "special day" on the calendar.
Maybe next year, if some lucky man hasn't made you his sun, moon and stars, you can get up on Valentine's Day, put on your comfy bra and panties (because no one will be looking at them), eat your breakfast you make for yourself, and go on about your day. If you want to do something extra special, you comment on your friend's posts, "You're so lucky! I'm so glad you found such a generous guy/gal!" and spread a bit of love that way. Then, on Friendship Day, August 4th, your friends will be happy to celebrate with you because you did the work.
-Stella
Something bothering you? Need a straight answer? Ask me anything!
Monday, February 11, 2019
"I'll Swipe on That!"
Hey, Stella -
I've tried out a few dating apps in the last year or so and need help with my profile. Can you give me an idea of what women "swipe right" on?
- Guy Holding Fish
Dear Guy Holding Fish-
First, erase your fish-photo. Just delete it. Well, maybe if you're really proud of that fish, go ahead and print it and put it on your desk or tack it to the wall in your man-cave, then delete it, but don't put it on your dating profile. I mean, honestly, there's a good chance there is a group of women laughing at a screencap of it on a private facebook group. *innocent whistling*
Here are some do's and don'ts for a dating profile:
- For the love of Saint Francis de Sales, use proper spelling. "The Dorkiest Thing About Me: I work to much." No, Craig, the dorkiest thing about you is the fact at age 47, you don't know the difference between "too" and "to" and if you do, you're still not smart enough to hit the "edit" button and fix it.
- Be positive. Write what you're looking for. Do not write a laundry list of every bad experience you've had in the dating world as don'ts. "Don't be wider than you are tall. Don't have bad breath. Don't have neck tattoos. Don't chew with your mouth open. Don't call me for a hook up. Don't expect me to give you money or buy you a phone on our first date. Don't smell bad. Don't be swipin' on me if your pics are older than a year old." AND ESPECIALLY DON'T WRITE THAT LIST IN ALL CAPS. "DON'T MATCH WITH ME IF YOU ARE FAT!" Seriously? Maybe try, "Looking for a classy lady who is as passionate about health as I am," or "Looking to discuss a variety of books with a well-read lady." (Stay away from slang words for women too. No "chicks" or "babes" or worse.)
- We live in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. I love the USofA. I don't need to have a US Flag on the wall to let people know that. (As a matter of fact, if a person loves the American Flag that much, one should know that it is a violation of the Flag Code [Title 4, United States Code, Chapter 1, §8] to use the flag as decoration.) A US flag tacked to the wall behind the couch somehow screams, "I am a Prepper and I have 400 MREs under my bed and I will bore you to tears with conspiracy theories and scenarios where the Chinese use the Eisenhower Interstate System as landing strips to take over the United States. I also might have my last girlfriend in the deep freeze in case cannibalism becomes necessary."
- Did I mention ditching the fish-pics? Maybe it's that you want to show prospective dates that you can provide sustenance in a pinch, but it is so overdone by every guy out there, it's just a joke now. Hunting pictures are worse. Dead animals ≠ sexy.
- Show off your interests: Cooking, fishing (by holding a fishing pole, not the actual fish), camping, bike riding, sitting by a fire, motorcycles, hot rods, 4x4ing, wine, video gaming, it doesn't matter. There's someone for everyone. But give us something to work with. Still, make sure YOU are in the picture participating in said-activities. (Helpful Hint: If your favorite activity includes a tool that is often used in movies by serial killers, leave that one out. i.e. No axes, machetes, etc.)
- Post at least 4 original photos of yourself. (Not four of the same photo.) At least two should show your eyes. Nothing but sunglasses in all pictures? *Swipes left* One photo means you don't even care enough to look for a second photo.
- Bathroom mirror selfies (BMS) should be avoided. BMS say you're too old or smartphone-challenged to understand how to use the front-facing camera for a proper selfie. If you want a full-body picture, learn how to use the timer on your camera app: Place the phone/camera on a piece of furniture or build a book tower or something that is about chest high. Walk back until you see yourself fill the screen using the front-facing camera. Mentally mark that area in the room. Walk back to the camera, select 3- or 10-second delay, walk back to the spot you were before and pose. Repeat as necessary until you get a picture that you want the public to see.
- Cover yourself, man!!! Leave your freaking shirt on in ALL the pictures! I don't care HOW many hours a week you spend at the gym, leave a little to the imagination. No one cares about your ripped abs at this point. (Unless you're just looking for a hook-up, then disregard this one. Advertise the goods. But not ALL the goods.) Still, if an actual date is your goal, keep your shirt on as much as possible.
VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: A "shirt-of-hair" does NOT count as a shirt.
- OMG, the bed pictures. No. Just no. Yes, we understand your bed is empty and that's why you're in it alone, looking sad and dejected and/or attempting to look seductive. It's not coming across the way you want it to, trust me. Especially if you didn't read the above rule: leave your shirt on. (Also see "Very Important Note" above.) And, FYI, lying on your belly on the bed with your rump slightly lifted is NOT (I repeat: NOT) seductive to a woman. (Thing is, if you're putting ze bum in the air, please ensure that you've set your settings to "Seeking Men" and not "Seeking Women.") Oh, and very important: Bed-selfies taken in a hospital bed are way beyond NO. Like seriously, wtf? "Please come clean out my bedpan and give me a sponge bath." Again, not seductive to the average woman looking to date. (I cannot believe I have to actually spell this one out there, but I've seen the pic.)
Summary: Be positive. Post several pictures. Show your eyes. Wear a shirt (and bottoms too.) No fish/dead animals. No murder weapons. Spell things correctly (and use mostly proper grammar.)
Bonus: Give your potential dates something to work with. This is especially important when a woman messages you. One-word answers won't cut it. "Hi! I see you love water-skiing! Do you go often?" "Yes." "Ummm... ok. Well, then, have fun...?" Maybe try, "Not as much as I'd like. Do you like water-skiing too?" It's really not hard, promise. Ask questions- it'll keep things rolling.
Good luck, Guy Holding Fishing Pole Who Isn't Wearing Sunglasses and Has His Shirt On!
Did I miss something? I'm sure I missed a ton. If you can think of something important, leave a comment.
-Stella
I've tried out a few dating apps in the last year or so and need help with my profile. Can you give me an idea of what women "swipe right" on?
- Guy Holding Fish
Dear Guy Holding Fish-
First, erase your fish-photo. Just delete it. Well, maybe if you're really proud of that fish, go ahead and print it and put it on your desk or tack it to the wall in your man-cave, then delete it, but don't put it on your dating profile. I mean, honestly, there's a good chance there is a group of women laughing at a screencap of it on a private facebook group. *innocent whistling*
Here are some do's and don'ts for a dating profile:
- For the love of Saint Francis de Sales, use proper spelling. "The Dorkiest Thing About Me: I work to much." No, Craig, the dorkiest thing about you is the fact at age 47, you don't know the difference between "too" and "to" and if you do, you're still not smart enough to hit the "edit" button and fix it.
- Be positive. Write what you're looking for. Do not write a laundry list of every bad experience you've had in the dating world as don'ts. "Don't be wider than you are tall. Don't have bad breath. Don't have neck tattoos. Don't chew with your mouth open. Don't call me for a hook up. Don't expect me to give you money or buy you a phone on our first date. Don't smell bad. Don't be swipin' on me if your pics are older than a year old." AND ESPECIALLY DON'T WRITE THAT LIST IN ALL CAPS. "DON'T MATCH WITH ME IF YOU ARE FAT!" Seriously? Maybe try, "Looking for a classy lady who is as passionate about health as I am," or "Looking to discuss a variety of books with a well-read lady." (Stay away from slang words for women too. No "chicks" or "babes" or worse.)
- We live in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. I love the USofA. I don't need to have a US Flag on the wall to let people know that. (As a matter of fact, if a person loves the American Flag that much, one should know that it is a violation of the Flag Code [Title 4, United States Code, Chapter 1, §8] to use the flag as decoration.) A US flag tacked to the wall behind the couch somehow screams, "I am a Prepper and I have 400 MREs under my bed and I will bore you to tears with conspiracy theories and scenarios where the Chinese use the Eisenhower Interstate System as landing strips to take over the United States. I also might have my last girlfriend in the deep freeze in case cannibalism becomes necessary."
- Did I mention ditching the fish-pics? Maybe it's that you want to show prospective dates that you can provide sustenance in a pinch, but it is so overdone by every guy out there, it's just a joke now. Hunting pictures are worse. Dead animals ≠ sexy.
- Show off your interests: Cooking, fishing (by holding a fishing pole, not the actual fish), camping, bike riding, sitting by a fire, motorcycles, hot rods, 4x4ing, wine, video gaming, it doesn't matter. There's someone for everyone. But give us something to work with. Still, make sure YOU are in the picture participating in said-activities. (Helpful Hint: If your favorite activity includes a tool that is often used in movies by serial killers, leave that one out. i.e. No axes, machetes, etc.)
- Post at least 4 original photos of yourself. (Not four of the same photo.) At least two should show your eyes. Nothing but sunglasses in all pictures? *Swipes left* One photo means you don't even care enough to look for a second photo.
- Bathroom mirror selfies (BMS) should be avoided. BMS say you're too old or smartphone-challenged to understand how to use the front-facing camera for a proper selfie. If you want a full-body picture, learn how to use the timer on your camera app: Place the phone/camera on a piece of furniture or build a book tower or something that is about chest high. Walk back until you see yourself fill the screen using the front-facing camera. Mentally mark that area in the room. Walk back to the camera, select 3- or 10-second delay, walk back to the spot you were before and pose. Repeat as necessary until you get a picture that you want the public to see.
- Cover yourself, man!!! Leave your freaking shirt on in ALL the pictures! I don't care HOW many hours a week you spend at the gym, leave a little to the imagination. No one cares about your ripped abs at this point. (Unless you're just looking for a hook-up, then disregard this one. Advertise the goods. But not ALL the goods.) Still, if an actual date is your goal, keep your shirt on as much as possible.
VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: A "shirt-of-hair" does NOT count as a shirt.
- OMG, the bed pictures. No. Just no. Yes, we understand your bed is empty and that's why you're in it alone, looking sad and dejected and/or attempting to look seductive. It's not coming across the way you want it to, trust me. Especially if you didn't read the above rule: leave your shirt on. (Also see "Very Important Note" above.) And, FYI, lying on your belly on the bed with your rump slightly lifted is NOT (I repeat: NOT) seductive to a woman. (Thing is, if you're putting ze bum in the air, please ensure that you've set your settings to "Seeking Men" and not "Seeking Women.") Oh, and very important: Bed-selfies taken in a hospital bed are way beyond NO. Like seriously, wtf? "Please come clean out my bedpan and give me a sponge bath." Again, not seductive to the average woman looking to date. (I cannot believe I have to actually spell this one out there, but I've seen the pic.)
Summary: Be positive. Post several pictures. Show your eyes. Wear a shirt (and bottoms too.) No fish/dead animals. No murder weapons. Spell things correctly (and use mostly proper grammar.)
Bonus: Give your potential dates something to work with. This is especially important when a woman messages you. One-word answers won't cut it. "Hi! I see you love water-skiing! Do you go often?" "Yes." "Ummm... ok. Well, then, have fun...?" Maybe try, "Not as much as I'd like. Do you like water-skiing too?" It's really not hard, promise. Ask questions- it'll keep things rolling.
Good luck, Guy Holding Fishing Pole Who Isn't Wearing Sunglasses and Has His Shirt On!
Did I miss something? I'm sure I missed a ton. If you can think of something important, leave a comment.
-Stella
Sunday, February 10, 2019
What If?
Life is short. Stop wasting it. The end.
No, for real though... In the last two years, I have met more new people and made more new friends and acquaintances than I did in the 10 years prior. A number of life events have caused me to get out of my comfort zone and learn new things, meet new people, tune into my passions and interests, question what I want out of life, and so on.... And in that, I have noticed there are way too many people out there who are waiting. And waiting. And waiting.
It's not that they don't have passions. It's not that they don't know what they want. It's not that they don't have ideas or plans. It's that they are WAITING for something: the perfect timing, the ideal situation, the right amount of money in the bank account, the kiddo to be the "right" age, etc, etc, etc. And life passes them by in the meantime. I want to grab them by the shoulders and say, "STOP WAITING! START STARTING! JUST DO SOMETHING!"
Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating emptying the bank account, running up the credit cards, dumping your kid off at your parents and turning into a loser. There is a huge difference between being a decent, responsible human and wasting life waiting. One is not fulfilling your responsibilities and one is creating stupid rules that made up for yourself about why you can't do what you want to do right now. Fulfilling responsibilities does NOT preclude living a life with passion, adventures, fun, vacations, love, connection or anything else that makes life worth living.
I sat with a friend of mine last month. We talked about Seasonal Affected Disorder, work, kids, etc. I asked him what he was looking for. He said, "My 'person.'" I asked how that search was going and he said not so well, due to work, mostly. He'd been seeing one woman on and off and still kept in touch with her over a year and I asked why he didn't pursue that more as they seemed to have a pretty strong connection. "She and her husband broke up last year and I've been burnt by someone coming out of a long relationship... and I'm afraid she may reconcile with him." I wanted to shake him by the shoulders and slap him upside the head (except he's a foot taller and 100lbs more than me, so that wouldn't work. Oh, and physical abuse is never the answer.) Instead, I pointed out EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE IN AN INSTANT. How did he know she "might reconcile" with her ex? How did he know he wasn't going to have a heart attack and die next week? How did he know that he wouldn't meet "his person," his soulmate, in a month and break this woman's heart instead? How did he know that she wouldn't go and find her new soulmate and "burn" him for someone who isn't even on his radar? Fear has him in vapor lock. Fear of the "what if?"
I HATE "WHAT-IFS."
What-ifs keep people stuck worse than anything else. "I need a vacation." "So take one." "What if I need the money later for an emergency?" Yeah, what if you do? AND WHAT IF YOU DON'T? I guess you can spend that money you saved by not taking the vacation to rest and recharge and spend it on your doctor and therapist bills when you have a nervous breakdown. That works too. Again, I'm not preaching irresponsibility, I'm pointing out the fact that for every "what if" there is an equal and opposite "what if?"
I have another friend who is stuck in a terrible marriage. I mean, is choosing to be in a terrible marriage. That's her business. I asked why, if she's so miserable, she won't do something about it. "My mom left my dad for another man when all of us kids had graduated high school. She broke his heart. If I left my husband, my dad and siblings would hate me. They'd think I was just like my mom." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! So you're going to live the only life you have right now in misery, dealing with a bipolar, prescription-drug addict husband because your jacked up, judgmental siblings (trust me, I know about these siblings) and co-dependent, boring, single, lump-on-a-log father who doesn't do anything but sit at home and get fat will give you shit for "being just like Mom?!!" GROW A PAIR OF OVARIES AND MOVE YOUR ASS. To be fair, I understand there are other factors in the marriage that prove it hard for her to just pack up and leave, but maybe, JUST MAYBE, she could take steps to start creating a better life now. Maybe some therapy? Family counseling? Al-Anon? Get a job? Plan a divorce after the kids are grown? SOMETHING.
I love how all these people are magically fortune tellers. Apparently fear is the number one cause of ESP. They just KNOW what the future holds because it is scary. That's why they can't make any moves for anything they want. Because they just know what is coming if they do. Yet, somehow, the happy version is never the future. Maybe he dates her and she is his "person" and they live happily ever after together? Maybe the other guy takes a vacation and recharges his batteries and meets a new business connection that helps him find a better job? Maybe she goes to Al-Anon and learns about living with addicted family members and how to escape the pattern of co-dependency? Why can't good come from taking any chances? How about: What if you die tomorrow? What if the stock market crashes and all your investments, IRAs, etc are gone? What if the person you have your eye on who is perfect for you but you're too afraid to be with finds someone who isn't afraid? What if you wake up at age 70 with an emotionally abusive husband who your grandkids won't be around because your sister would "be mad at you" for getting a divorce years ago?
WHAT IF????
What do you want in life? Who would you like to be with? What would make you jump out of bed every day ready to go? Is there ONE thing you could do today to make that happen? Just ONE step you could take? One phone call? One date? One session to go to? One blog post to write? "What if" you did one thing?
Got a question? I've got answers. There's a good chance they aren't the answers you want, but I won't lie to you. I have an uncommon way of applying common sense to life. Write me with anything you want an opinion on and I'll try to address it in a future post.
-Stella Goodman
No, for real though... In the last two years, I have met more new people and made more new friends and acquaintances than I did in the 10 years prior. A number of life events have caused me to get out of my comfort zone and learn new things, meet new people, tune into my passions and interests, question what I want out of life, and so on.... And in that, I have noticed there are way too many people out there who are waiting. And waiting. And waiting.
It's not that they don't have passions. It's not that they don't know what they want. It's not that they don't have ideas or plans. It's that they are WAITING for something: the perfect timing, the ideal situation, the right amount of money in the bank account, the kiddo to be the "right" age, etc, etc, etc. And life passes them by in the meantime. I want to grab them by the shoulders and say, "STOP WAITING! START STARTING! JUST DO SOMETHING!"
Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating emptying the bank account, running up the credit cards, dumping your kid off at your parents and turning into a loser. There is a huge difference between being a decent, responsible human and wasting life waiting. One is not fulfilling your responsibilities and one is creating stupid rules that made up for yourself about why you can't do what you want to do right now. Fulfilling responsibilities does NOT preclude living a life with passion, adventures, fun, vacations, love, connection or anything else that makes life worth living.
I sat with a friend of mine last month. We talked about Seasonal Affected Disorder, work, kids, etc. I asked him what he was looking for. He said, "My 'person.'" I asked how that search was going and he said not so well, due to work, mostly. He'd been seeing one woman on and off and still kept in touch with her over a year and I asked why he didn't pursue that more as they seemed to have a pretty strong connection. "She and her husband broke up last year and I've been burnt by someone coming out of a long relationship... and I'm afraid she may reconcile with him." I wanted to shake him by the shoulders and slap him upside the head (except he's a foot taller and 100lbs more than me, so that wouldn't work. Oh, and physical abuse is never the answer.) Instead, I pointed out EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE IN AN INSTANT. How did he know she "might reconcile" with her ex? How did he know he wasn't going to have a heart attack and die next week? How did he know that he wouldn't meet "his person," his soulmate, in a month and break this woman's heart instead? How did he know that she wouldn't go and find her new soulmate and "burn" him for someone who isn't even on his radar? Fear has him in vapor lock. Fear of the "what if?"
I HATE "WHAT-IFS."
What-ifs keep people stuck worse than anything else. "I need a vacation." "So take one." "What if I need the money later for an emergency?" Yeah, what if you do? AND WHAT IF YOU DON'T? I guess you can spend that money you saved by not taking the vacation to rest and recharge and spend it on your doctor and therapist bills when you have a nervous breakdown. That works too. Again, I'm not preaching irresponsibility, I'm pointing out the fact that for every "what if" there is an equal and opposite "what if?"
I have another friend who is stuck in a terrible marriage. I mean, is choosing to be in a terrible marriage. That's her business. I asked why, if she's so miserable, she won't do something about it. "My mom left my dad for another man when all of us kids had graduated high school. She broke his heart. If I left my husband, my dad and siblings would hate me. They'd think I was just like my mom." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! So you're going to live the only life you have right now in misery, dealing with a bipolar, prescription-drug addict husband because your jacked up, judgmental siblings (trust me, I know about these siblings) and co-dependent, boring, single, lump-on-a-log father who doesn't do anything but sit at home and get fat will give you shit for "being just like Mom?!!" GROW A PAIR OF OVARIES AND MOVE YOUR ASS. To be fair, I understand there are other factors in the marriage that prove it hard for her to just pack up and leave, but maybe, JUST MAYBE, she could take steps to start creating a better life now. Maybe some therapy? Family counseling? Al-Anon? Get a job? Plan a divorce after the kids are grown? SOMETHING.
I love how all these people are magically fortune tellers. Apparently fear is the number one cause of ESP. They just KNOW what the future holds because it is scary. That's why they can't make any moves for anything they want. Because they just know what is coming if they do. Yet, somehow, the happy version is never the future. Maybe he dates her and she is his "person" and they live happily ever after together? Maybe the other guy takes a vacation and recharges his batteries and meets a new business connection that helps him find a better job? Maybe she goes to Al-Anon and learns about living with addicted family members and how to escape the pattern of co-dependency? Why can't good come from taking any chances? How about: What if you die tomorrow? What if the stock market crashes and all your investments, IRAs, etc are gone? What if the person you have your eye on who is perfect for you but you're too afraid to be with finds someone who isn't afraid? What if you wake up at age 70 with an emotionally abusive husband who your grandkids won't be around because your sister would "be mad at you" for getting a divorce years ago?
WHAT IF????
What do you want in life? Who would you like to be with? What would make you jump out of bed every day ready to go? Is there ONE thing you could do today to make that happen? Just ONE step you could take? One phone call? One date? One session to go to? One blog post to write? "What if" you did one thing?
Got a question? I've got answers. There's a good chance they aren't the answers you want, but I won't lie to you. I have an uncommon way of applying common sense to life. Write me with anything you want an opinion on and I'll try to address it in a future post.
-Stella Goodman
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